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Okay, so I didn't get to weigh myself this morning, so we'll have to wait until tomorrow to see if I reached my goal. I ate alot yesterday as you can see in my last blog. I am going to eat a little less than than that today. I wanna make sure the scale says I lost 10lbs tomorrow. No more messing around, I wanna be thin thin thin! I even turned down drinking tonight  because of the carbs/bloat.

Soo here's my daily intake for the 19th.

23 ounce can of ginseng tea energy drink (360 calories)
lots of water (0 calories)
2 chimichangas (500 calories)

Total = 860 calories

I feel pretty bloaty.
It feels like I ate a whale that ate a hippopatamus with an elephant that ate a pig in it's stomache.
If I don't hit my goal for tomorrow, then I will be miserable enough to starve starve starve I hope.

Blahhhh. Soo I'm in a bit of pain right now. 
I took a sort of laxitive pill
drank 2 glasses of diet coke (0 calories)
lots of water (0 calories)  
1 chicken patty (180 calories)
1 bun (140 calories)
1 slice of cheese (60 calories)
2 tablespoons of ketchup (20 calories)
1 peeled banana (100 calories)
snacked on some reeses puffs cereal (300? calories)
1 chimichanga (250 calories)
Total = 1050 calories. 

I don't feel so good about that number.
Now I've got to go a full 48 hours without eating again to balance it out.
Blahh. Why must it either be eat nothing or eat alot with me.
Maybe on the days I have to eat I'll just eat something close to the end of the day.

I'm feeling good today. Had 6 cups of coffee and 2-3 glasses of water so far. I'm -really- cold too, so my metabolism is probably going pretty fast. I am not eating today, and probably not tomorrow either, unless it's like 100 calories worth. I am going to start making goals for myself. More motivation never hurts. =)


~~Goals~~

November 18th: ~7lbs lost

November 19th: ~8lbs lost

November 20th: ~10lbs lost

I feel insanely disgusting and fat today. I feel gross because there is food in my stomache. I wanna puke all of it out but I can't because my tonsils are swollen and my brother is already suspicious. I want my stomache to feel empty again so I can be proud of myself and know that I am getting thinner. I keep kicking myself in my mind for eating anything. I don't want to plateau though. I want to lose fat. It's not comfortable to be overweight anymore. It's disgusting. I've wasted to much time now being fat. I am not happy with myself. I feel like crying. Please, someone help me. 

Eww. So I was just laying down trying to sleep and my stomache wouldn't stop growling. I decided to munch half an ice cube and then check myself out in the mirror. Then I took body pics on my cellphone from alot of different angles. Thank god cameras don't lie.. I will have to look at those pictures everytime I feel like screwing my diet up. They are very motivating, lol.

I can't sleep. I really tried, but in my mind the same words keep replaying over and over again. "I will not be the fat one anymore." I was just thinking how I've always been the "chubbier one" out of me and my oldest sister. I have enough self-esteem to know I'm prettier than her, but that's not really important when you're a tub of lard like me. I'm so sick of my body in it's current state that I almost started crying while I was trying to sleep. My stomache doesn't feel good either because no food + vitamins + carbonation = blaghgh. I felt like I was gonna puke, hunched over the toilet and a little bit of liquid came out which tasted so completely disgusting like the nastiest tasting pills you can imagine. Anyways, my mind just wont rest. I think I'm going to stay up until midnight and then sleep for 20 hours or something. Maybe I'll lose a little more weight by then. Euggh. I just remembered this time when my sister came to visit and the guy I had a crush on who was at our house pretty much everyday for the previous month was there. He instantly forgot about me when she showed up. I remember him saying something to my brother like "you didn't tell me your sister was soo hott." She flirts with any guy that I like, and we don't have the same taste at all. She just does it to prove that guys like her more. I forgot to mention the best part, she's moving back home sometime soon. I just wanna see the look on her self-obsessed face when she sees me at my goal weight. I refuse to give in this time. I'm gonna ride it out til I hit my goal weight... Definitely. I wont settle for second-best anymore. I want to redeem my self-esteem.

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